The Tightrope by Hiba Basit

Author:Hiba Basit [Basit, Hiba]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2020-04-17T22:00:00+00:00

Annette stops at the sight of Alex. She isn't surprised to see her. Just now, she could see that Alex was finally starting to think about things, allowing herself time to process her own thoughts and feel the emotions these thoughts brought about. On a more serious note, Annette had also clocked on to just how dangerous her thoughts were. In contrast to the mute child she’d observed only a few weeks ago, Alex had become unusually chatty, and not in the normal way of children. In fact, Annette felt that her words were selected, pre-planned and even deliberate. Her instinct sent her strong warnings that they might have been designed for a purpose. This is why she had arranged an impromptu session, similar to a crisis intervention, focusing on establishing trust with her, because she had an inkling about what was happening and wanted to be around when Alex felt able to talk.

‘What did you say?’ Alex asks. Her voice is soft and sharp at the same time. Annette ushers her inside and sits her down, signalling for Mary to wait outside.

‘Are you asking me what I said to Mary?’ Annette says. ‘I told her to look after you.’

‘Why?’

‘Alex, you’ve been at St Anne’s for a while now. Do you understand why you’re here?’

‘I said why?’

Annette senses the urgency in her voice. She mentally weighs the costs and benefits of telling her the truth in the next few seconds. She decides to go for it.

‘Because I know you want to hurt yourself again.’

Alex scowls and tightly clutches her artbook. Annette keeps her tone soft, almost reflective. ‘For some reason, I don’t feel like the exercise helped you to trust me.’

‘It did,’ Alex answers, not missing a beat.

Annette nods, acknowledging this. ‘I also don’t think you’ve been having the dreams you told me about today.’

Alex exhales rapidly, as if she’s cleaning a smudge on a window. Tears appear at the corners of her eyes, but she keeps a look of fierce determination. Annette does nothing more but watch her as calmly as her mind allows. It was the mirror task that forced her to doubt the sincerity of Alex’s dreams and realise they were, in fact, active thoughts of suicide. When she fell heavily backwards, without waiting, and came into view in the mirror, Annette experienced a horrific vivid image of Alex bouncing back up from the pressure of the rope tied around her neck. When she felt her trembling and caught her eye in the mirror, she recognised the expression instantly.

Just as I imagine the sharp thud of my body against the wooden stage, the rope catches me and I am saved.

Just like clockwork, it clicked. The tightrope didn’t catch her, it caught her, trapped her around the neck and killed her, just as she’d wanted at the orphanage, as she was going to do in this hospital. Why she made the dreams up and presented them to her as if they were real was something she had yet to discover.

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